Just before rehearsal is about to start on the Orchestra's "Bring Your Child to Work Day," the conductor is horrified to see the bass player hitting one of the children.
"You can't do that!" he yells. "Why are you hitting him?"
"He slackened one of my strings", replies the bass player.
"No problem," says the conductor, "just tune the string up again."
"I can't!" screams the bass player. "He won't tell me which one."
Hi Neil — Are you by any chance the Midlands born musician who never guessed when stuffing naan breads in Saleems many years ago that much later he would be the subject of more than one biographical enquiry from someone called Annie Rack?
Hi Neil — Are you by any chance the American, jury spitting Neil Simpson who was convicted of killing Pizza Shop owner David Kowalczyk, and sentenced in Judge Mark A. Betleski's court in 2008?
Are you by any chance the 1966 British born Neil Simpson, who is the author of biographies on Paul O'Grady, Lorraine Kelly, Jonathan Ross, Jade Goody, Billie Piper, has been an award-winning journalist and a section editor on newspapers such as the Daily Mirror, Sunday Telegraph and Mail on Sunday and has written regularly for the Daily Star and many consumer magazines?
At the IQ Lounge, the staff engages patrons in conversations based on the person's IQ. One evening there are three men at the bar. After learning the first fellow's IQ is 135, the bartender begins a discussion on the latest theory on black hole physics. With the second (IQ 121), he discusses classic literature. The third patron tries to avoid giving his IQ. The bartender persists until the poor guy admits he's got an IQ of 92. At which point the bartender says: "Cool! Do you prefer flatwounds or roundwounds?"
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side.
During his first lesson the student was given four notes to practice on just the first string of his bass guitar. The next week he was given four more notes to practice on just the second string. After that, the student never returned for another lesson. A year later the teacher met him on the street. After exchanging pleasantries, the teacher asked: "Aren't you going to continue with your lessons?" "Oh yes, I've been meaning to," the student replied, "but I just can't find the time. I've been getting so much work..."
I think this site is in poor taste and not at all funny.
After years of hiding the fact that the love is gone, the last child moves out of the house and Mom and Dad announce they're getting a divorce. The kids are distraught and hire a marriage counsellor as a last resort at keeping their parents together.The counsellor works for hours, tries all of his methods, but the couple still won't talk to each other. Finally, he goes over to a closet, brings out a beautiful upright bass and begins to play. After a minute or so, the couple starts talking and they discover that they're not actually that far apart and decide to give their marriage another try.The kids are amazed and ask the counsellor how he managed to do it. He replies: "I've never seen a couple that wouldn't talk through a bass solo."